Frustration

Well the holidays are finally over. Praise The Lord!! We ended up having a fine Christmas but I just cannot stand all the stress that we were under. I am still under a lot of stress because Jon is still not back to work and it doesn't look like he is going to anytime soon. They are saying possibly in the middle of Feb now. Geesh, I wish things were different around here. I am so stressed out and when I get stressed I tend to get mean. I know that I need to not take things so personally and I am trying to relax and let things fall where they may. I just need some change. I am tired of all the same ol same all the time. I need something different. I am about ready to pull out my hair. I need to find a job, Jon needs a job, we need a new house and I need money. I need to be able to pay bills, buy groceries ect. I just need something new and something different. I am only taking 6 credits this next semester so I can find a job and help support my family. I know that Jon does his best but sometimes his best is not good enough. He tends to settle for things and he seems to like things the way that they are, I don't. I need something new, I really don't know what that new thing is but I know that I definitely need something new and something to perhaps get excited about. Perhaps a new hobby? A new job? who knows what it will be but I hope it happens soon so I can be happier. I am not happy and I tend to take things out on others. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be content? I am so discontented that is is sickening. I guess I am just tired of the same old routine, I need something exciting to add a little spice to my life. I need to start being thankful for the things that I have and I do thank God for them but sometimes I just get this poor, poor pitiful me attitude and I think that is Satan's way of tempting me. I really want some joy in my life. I want the joy that God says should be mine everyday. I know that doesn't mean joy always means happy and I need to remember that. I really crave this joy that the bible talks about.